Tis the season to lose the small amount of sanity we have left.
With work, kids (at home or grown), aging parents and extended family, holiday pressure is that “one more” thing that easily upsets the apple cart. This year, I’ve taken closer note of the ideas for handling holiday stress in hopes of finding useful suggestions for keeping my wits about me through the New Year.
In the interest of helping you too, I’ll keep this short.
The American Psychological Association (APA) says you should take time for yourself, volunteer, have realistic expectations, seek support and remember what’s important -- and it’s definitely not store-bought presents, elaborate decorations or gourmet food.
The idea of taking time for yourself may seem laughable in the face of 5-foot long to do lists. But it really is a good suggestion. Give yourself permission to go to the gym, take a hike or read a book. The APA says recharged batteries help you and your family keep an even keel. A break from holiday music can be nice, too.
This year, I chipped in for season tickets to the Berkeley Repertory Theater here in California with a good friend. Our seats for "Red Hot Patriot: The Kick-Ass Wit of Molly Ivins" happens to be for this upcoming Saturday night. After checking in with my family, I've given myself permission to go without guilt and enjoy some much-needed laughs and intellectual stimulation.
Gift giving is another big stressor and while kids’ lists get shorter as they get older, the items on them may also get more expensive. Ease the expense by taking advantage of free online shipping whenever possible. Shipping costs are one item that the blog Women&Co says most people don’t take into account. Shipping fees can add up and sending a $15 gift for $25 is just crazy making.
If you come from a large family, Women&Co has another great suggestion: Group gifts. Get everyone to go in on a group dinner or tickets for a show and enjoy a great experience together. Psychologists have found that experiential purchases create more long-term happiness and value than material acquisitions.
My fondest holiday memories come from the years my parents bought Broadway show tickets for the whole family as our special gift. Thanks to that tradition, I had the privilege of seeing the original casts of "Evita" and "Cats," and to this day I remember the thrill of seeing Mandy Patankin and Patti Lupone playing Che and Evita, respectively.
I’ll leave you with the APA’s tip on expectations: “No Christmas, Chanukah, Kwanza or other holiday celebration is perfect. View inevitable missteps as opportunities to demonstrate flexibility and resilience. A lopsided tree or a burned brisket won’t ruin your holiday; rather, it will create a family memory.”
So go ahead and create some family memories – but kick back and take a break first. Cheers! -- Emily Brower Auchard
Missed our last issue? Here you go:
Good Reads, the 2014 Edition
If you liked this story, you might also like:
Keeping the Holiday Joy Alive
Bring on the Holiday Schmaltz
16 Guaranteed Stress Busters. Tested, Unfortunately.
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Photo of Patti Lupone as Evita
As we pointed out in last week’s issue, all the year-end book lists are out, from the NYTimes 100 Most Notable, to the Washington Post’s 50 Best in Fiction and NPR’s picks -- pretty much every publication that reviews books has weighed in.
I may not be that prestigious, but I once produced a public television show about books and authors (a dream job until the funding ran out) and I absolutely love to read. In my professional life, I read two to four newspapers a day, and numerous web sites and magazines. So when I want to just kick back, I mostly choose fiction. In no particular order, here are my favorites for 2014.
We Are Not Ourselves, by Matthew Thomas
This debut novel is actually included in most of the year-end lists, and deservedly so. It’s a big fat, multigenerational Irish-American family saga centered on a nurse named Eileen Tumulty, born in Queens in 1941. Good name, because Eileen’s an incredibly strong woman whose life is indeed quite tumultuous as she deals with everything from family alcoholism to a husband with early-onset Alzheimer’s. Sounds depressing, but thanks to beautiful writing, it’s not.
We Are All Completely Beside Ourselves, by Karen Fowler
While this is a similar title to my first pick, it’s a very different family story. At the beginning, we meet Rosemary, “meandering” through her fifth year at U.C. Davis, thinking about the brother she hasn’t seen in 10 years and the sister who disappeared 17 years ago. Her father is a psychology professor who brought his experiments home. Rosemary was an extremely chatty child, probably to make up for her sister’s verbal shortcomings. It will be more fun to read if that’s all you know.
The simplest Halloween costume I ever made for myself was the year in college I went as a jewel thief. I wore black jeans, a black turtleneck, and a mask with two eyeholes cut out of black cloth. I carried a flashlight and tied a bag full of colorful Mardi Gras necklaces to my belt. It took about 10 minutes to assemble, and that’s only because I messed up cutting out the eyeholes the first time (they were too far apart).
Since then, I’ve made many costumes for my kids -- Annie Oakley, a Confederate general, hobbits and hippies. I’ve discovered the joy of glue guns, Velcro and felt fabric (no hemming necessary).
But when it comes to me, I’ve pretty much avoided going to adult Halloween parties -- in large part because I wasn’t interested in mustering up the energy to create a costume for myself.
Duct tape has changed my mind.
There’s less than a month to go before summer ends -- the official end date is Sept. 22 at 10:29 p.m. Eastern Daylight Time -- but now is not the time to feel bad about all the things you didn’t get a chance to do.
Instead, seize the day -- and the Labor Day holiday weekend -- to have some fun before fall arrives! What should you do? Glad you asked.
Grab a cone. Go to an ice cream, frozen yogurt or gelato shop and get yourself a double – with sprinkles. Then sit down outside somewhere and enjoy it. Take your time.
Go to the beach and watch the sunset. Honestly, what’s not to like about a barefoot walk in the sand at the water’s edge?
Take a long walk.
Binge watch a TV series. Orange is the New Black, Scandal and House of Cards are all supposed to be great, but I’m thinking it’s time finally to give my attention to Buffy the Vampire Slayer.
Eat something in season. Tomatoes, peaches, raspberries and plums are in season, which means they taste they way they should.
Talk about enjoying the box more than the present it contains.
When I was a kid, our family would occasionally receive gifts from my parents’ friends in Japan. What I remember most is not the presents themselves, but the intricate wrapping. These gifts were positively in lockdown, but no one had used anything so gauche as tape to secure them.
Instead, the gifts were sealed with wrapping paper that had been cleverly folded in the most unexpected ways. My skill at refolding the paper after the gifts had been extracted turned out to be good for absolutely nothing after the GPS in my phone replaced paper maps.
I had forgotten about these feats of wrapping until a bunch of reusable grocery bags fell on me as I opened my pantry door. (Yes, I’m that organized). Those bags are making me nuts, and there are alternatives. The folks at BlueAvocado make a side-carrying bag out of recycled everything that is surprisingly comfortable. The Europeans have their grocery bags of string, which I admit I once thought were ridiculous.
But the Japanese. They’ve got it down, and they’ve had it down for oh, about 1,300 years. Using a sequence of clever folds, called furoshiki, the Japanese have figured out how to carry just about everything using just a big square of silk or nylon. (Other fabrics work too, but it’s easier to negotiate the knots using silk or nylon).